i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
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Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
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This is what happens when wu tang raised you
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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