so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize