I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
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We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
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He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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