She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
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Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
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Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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