My first STD was from a foam party
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize