is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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