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I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
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