Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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