half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
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Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
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The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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