There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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