The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
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Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
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Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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