Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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