Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize