so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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