so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
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I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
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Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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