i'm signing you up for texting rehab
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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