I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
that is very illegal...i love you.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize