The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
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You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will pee on everything he values.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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