did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
They took my balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize