We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
My butt remains clenched, sir.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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