you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
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He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
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I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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