please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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