So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize