just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
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The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
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Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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