What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize