I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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