Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
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I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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