i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
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Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
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I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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