Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize