I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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