i need an iv and a liver transplant
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
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I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
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He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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