I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
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He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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