I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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