Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize