Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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