I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
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