I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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