Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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