You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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