Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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