So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
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I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
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