dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
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We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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