I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
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Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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