I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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