my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
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The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
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You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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