fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize