soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize