I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
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