Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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