clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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